Again he ticked so many box’s, successful, sporty, good
looking, I thought ok, why not, lets go on a date. He picked me up and we took a
drive. We drove through the wine lands and out to the coast on the
opposite side of Cape Town.
We sat at a gorgeous little restaurant right on the
water, it was a beautiful afternoon and we spoke easily and drank red wine and
ate prawns encrusted in garlic, chili and olive oil by a fire place. Magic.
I liked that he didn’t flinch at the garlic, obviously I eat garlic and loads of it, I’m Portuguese, it goes in everything, but its always safer if you both eat it.
But after the first glass of wine, his sense of
personal space had evaporated and had been replaced by a curious creeping creature,
resembling the likes of “Thing” from the Adam’s Family.
(Eek!)
I mean I am a hugely affectionate person when I am with someone, I absolutely
love to touch and be touched and held as much as humanly possible...
(Love affection)
But on the first date to
have “Thing” and his freaky cousin “Thing2” attempting to crawl all over every
inch of my body and in a public place on top of it? Well lets just say,
slightly uncomfortable doesn’t begin to describe it and to be perfectly honest,
it put my walls up, quick and high and I completely withdrew.
(Help!!!!)
Over the next couple of days a few acquaintances were
speaking about this same guy (not knowing I had been on a date with him) and
were saying how he had been dating more than one girl at a time and just wanted
to get girls in bed. Apparently, he led the girls to believe that he was serious
about each one of them and they were devastated when they found out he was with
other girls at the same time because they all thought he was in a relationship
with just them (and this was not the first time).
(But I thought he was?!?! What the What????)
Which led me to a whole lot of questions about this so
called “Dating world”. What are the rules? Do we make them up as we go along?
Is that ok? What constitutes “Dating” VS “Seeing someone” VS “Girlfriend/Boyfriend”.
Is the key simply honesty? Or do we
still need to be responsible with our action and how they may effect others? All these confusions and complications make me want to run and hide, but...
I
am currently feeling quite protected by the fact that for the next two and a
half months I can be completely open and honest (but not ever mean or hurtful) and
feel safe because I don’t have to hurt feelings by saying "you are not for me" (before I have even really found out) and I don’t have to be so vulnerable as to
say ‘you are for me’ (no need to jump the gun) I can just be… and experience…
and see what is actually out there...
(what I need to do)
If I am completely honest, I may say that I am not entirely ready for it right now, (and there is a large part of me that is still completely petrified) but I honestly do want a man who I adore and who adores me and a relationship that is brave enough, honest, deep and passionate enough that we bring out the best in each other (even if a few tick’s appear that I never thought to look for and others I thought I needed are replaced).
(I want to find someone to love the sh*t out of and who loves the sh*t out of me!)
A man who wants to be my husband and who wants me to be his wife and I feel the same way about him and we want to create a family together. Be together through the ups and downs and joys and challenges, because, yes, as much as I have been through and as devastating as it is having your heart properly broken, love is that great and it is worth it…
So I am going to say out loud, I am going to say what so many people are too scared to say: I do want love in my life again. Because a life without love is like a meat without salt, it lacks flavor, potential and fulfillment.
SO...
The DO's I learnt: "Do be honest with yourself about what you want"
I am as guilty of this one as anyone else, but it actually is ok to want love, in fact it makes you brave and strong to want it and be open to it. So many of my friends, girls and guys, say they love being single and are so happy being alone and are definitely not looking for a relationship and then when they are drunk or in passing comments they reveal how much they would actually like to share their lives with someone, to love someone and how they often feel so alone. Not all the time granted, I am happy being single, I have a great life of freedom and its been a wonderful experience. And while I know I will have to give up some of that freedom and adjust certain routines, I know that nothing compares to being in love and sharing your life with someone, when you find the right person, things shift naturally and you are no longer simply happily content, you are actually fully happy.
I actually think "Mr.Thing" does want love, we all have insecurities and feel vulnerable. And complete freedom means you have nothing worth losing (hence so many suffer from FOMO). So being in love and opening yourself up to hurt is scary, because you will get hurt, its inevitable, we are only hurt by people we care about, its just the way life is. But the rewards of love far out weigh all else and...
(Remember this)
The DON'T I learnt: "Thing"
If a girl is clearly uncomfortable with your hands on here, take them off!
If she's enjoying it, by all means let 'Thing's' roam freely and play!
But if she literally takes them off and places them away from herself and back onto you, keep them to yourself. And be straight up and honest if you seeing other people (will write a whole other post on this simple, simple, extremely complicated rule)
Thanks for reading and all your support
Remember I have a panel of friends who will be deciding who I go on dates with, so if anyone (this is sooo embarrassing, thanks again Sean) would like to go on a date with me, e-mail me your version of a "I'm the one to Date" CV and a recent pic info@susanakennedy.com (I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole, so embarrassing, cant believe I agreed to do this, I cant believe people are writing in! Eek!)
Thank you! Thank You! Thank you!
Keep smiling and have an awesome week
No comments:
Post a Comment