Meeting 'Royalty'
Isn't life just like that, so ironic, on Sunday I decided to make a deal with myself, as you know, 12 dates, stay single for three months (So that I can say I have been single for a full year) and keep an open mind and do Not get into a relationship until the time is up. So of course the very first date I go on since I make this decision (which one of my good friends sets up) is with a man which just happens to tick way too many box's... so many, that I get icicles on my toes and feel like doing my usual which is run as quickly as possible and hide!
I guess I haven't told you the full story... let me explain. My last relationship, well the last two relationships, to be fair, broke my heart so badly that ... since then I have been so petrified of letting anyone remotely close to me that I run... I was in a ten-year relationship with an incredible man that was unbearably wrong for me... to a devastating point. When I finally left him I completely fell apart because I lived for him and without him my life was shattered into a million little pieces, I literally had to learn to breathe again, to wake up and find meaning in an abyss with no light ... and it took me three and a half years more, of on and off again chances of desperately trying to make it work but it couldn't... then I fell straight into another relationship for four months, which also shattered me.
(if you've had your heart broken you know, it physically aches, you are in physical agony)
It has been a four-year journey of depletion and finding strength I never knew I had, and then going back and destruction and then discovery that I had grown stronger and then leaving sooner and then going back until finally I realized I was in charge of my own happiness and I deserved to be happy... I was desperately flogging a dead horse because I loved him so much and wanted it to be right so badly... but it wasn't and nothing I could ever do could change that... So that is the real reason why I have been single for the last nine months and that is also the reason why I am needing to summon up so much courage to be dating again...
(I mean I could end up with this guy! Eeek!)
The incredible thing is, I am the strongest happiest version of myself that I have ever been and for the first time in my life I am standing on my own two feet, happily independent and strong and filled with comfort and joy because I know that I am happy and I am worth loving, which I had never known before. So now if someone comes into my life, they will be a delicious cherry on top, but not a necessity. They will add to my happiness but not be my happiness, they will be a partner, not my reason for being. And the strangest thing is, I don't feel damaged, I feel like I'm finally healed. Like i was broken before the relationships and every single step has led me here to this happy place in my life where I am finally whole and healthy. And I love my life, daily I devour all its joys and am grateful for where I am. I drive everyone mad because I am so positive now, in fact my nick name is "Little Miss F*%ken Sunshine" ha ha haa.
So Back to "Chapter 1 Meeting 'Royalty'", he insisted on picking me up (tick) but I was going to meet some friends at a fantastic little get together where we all were knitting blankets for an orphanage (I will do a blog on this because it's such a fantastic cause and brilliant way to Pay it Forward) So he said he would join! I thought he was joking at first but he wasn't! Can you believe it??? So this tall stranger with a large smile joined me and a whole bunch of woman and sat and knitted with us (tick, tick, tick) are you kidding me?
(Me and lovely Lorna knitting up a storm)
All the ladies were blown away! Good move, Mister, not only did he win points with me but with every woman there! We then went for dinner at a lovely Italian place in Mouille Point. We didn't stop talking and the more we spoke the more we had to speak about. It was really wonderful, like really wonderful and absolutely petrifying!
(Nuff said)
I of course ate like I always do, like a baby dinosaur, spilling my food on the table and awkwardly not managing to cover it up. He laughed and told me it was endearing.
(Really? Ya right....)
We were the last table and so we went for tea and hot chocolate at the hotel by the waterfront. We sat by the fire and ate sweet crunchies (I always seem to be eating ha ha) and suddenly I looked and it was 2am! I said I really needed to go home, he laughter and said: "No, Thank You, more please!" (I told him about the film "Thank you more please" there's a story in it about a cab driver who tells a sad woman to create happiness she needs to be grateful, she needs to say "Thank You" and then she needs to add "More please". I love this story and saying "Thank You, more please" its wonderfully infectious, and he seemed to like it too) which made me smile and feel all blushy, flattered and ... happy.
(but don't, i like blushing...)
He was an absolute gentleman, really lovely and understanding (when I told him my three month bargain and what I was doing and the reasons why, he just smiled and said he completely understood and I could see he actually did) Oh how scary... meeting a mister tick, tick, tick. He has been in plenty of contact and I have even seen him again, Already! I know, madness. Although honestly, I really am petrified so I want to keep a little distance and really stick to my plan and be open but take things very, very, slowly... Please send me strength and luck, I think I really need it!
(Try it, I dare you!)
SO...
The DO's I learnt: "Listen and hear"
I have always believed that if you actually take the time to listen and actually hear what people are trying to tell you, you will learn something new from every single person you meet, from a billionaire to a beggar, to the guy standing in the bank queue, each and every human being you encounter has something valuable to share, so pay attention. This date was filled with those moments, he had such a lovely way of putting things and not many people do this to me but he showed me a different perspective which made me blush with embarrassment (in a good way) that I had never looked at a situation from that point of view and I will forever be changed (it has to do with my family being a fruit salad of different beliefs, I will actually write a blog just about this soon)
So the do for this week is "Listen and hear" because you will learn something new
and...
The DON'T I learnt: "Mmm.... shew....don't rush things"
So terribly lame, but this date was great, the only thing "wrong with it" was that it is that it was so lovely and so there is that tendency to dive in head first instead of taking things slowly. But thanks to my consuming fear and the deal I have made with myself, I will be taking it slow...
The thing is, that I am not doing this out of some urgency to find 'The One', I am challenging myself to be open enough to the possibility of discovery love again... it's an openness I am trying to achieve, not a need I am trying to fill.
Thank you so much to everyone for your amazing encouragement and feed back, my cup truly runneth over, please keep it coming and share my blog with your friends. And please write to me and share your best dating/love stories, worst dating/love stories, most romantic, whatever you feel like sharing, if it moves me to laughter or tears I will post Your Story in my Blog.
I have a panel of friends who will be deciding who I go on dates with, so if anyone (this is sooo embarrassing, thanks again Sean) would like to go on a date with me, e-mail me your version of a "I'm the one to Date" CV and a recent pic info@susanakennedy.com (I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole, so embarrassing, cant believe I agreed to do this, I really hope someone writes in! Eek!)
If you missed Sox and I chatting about the date on our show last week
you can watch it on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TTIKpmyL8w&feature=youtu.be
Tune in every Friday 3 to 5pm on 2OceansVibeRadio
Catch me adding the 'Sexy in the City' to "Sox and the City"
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