Frustrated.
I have lost focus on what's good and been swallowed up by what's bad.
My life is so full and rich with blessings and yet the lack of a romantic relationship seems to cast a shadow on all that is and all that isn't...
For what is life, if it is not shared in love? If we do not have the opportunity to witness and be witnessed.
That is the highest most precious gift we can ever hope to experience.
I miss it with all of my soul and would do anything to experience it again.
Yet for now, I need to comfort my heart, console its sorrow and allow all the emotions to flow through me, so that they may not become stuck and choke me in my sleep in fear of being held against their will.
For now, once they have washed through me and the aching begin's so cease, I must rise again and face a new day with broken will and a steady heart, I must find in myself once more the will to look beyond this shore of sorrow into foreign lands of what could be.
For now, I cannot anchor in, for if I do the storm of sorrow will swallow me whole. It will beat my sails and drench my decks, it will snap my masts and crack my chest and within its wave I shall falter and fall into the depth of this ocean from which there is no more.
I cannot be swallowed whole, I still have far to go...
And yet for now, I allow myself a moment to weep, a moment to feel how my life is incomplete.
For one day when I've met him and my life feels full and fair again, I can hold onto these memories that make my now more sweet.
And so again the dreams begin to fuel my faith, strengthen my heart and renew my gait. As I focus ahead at what life will be and my broken heart becomes once more a sad memory.
