Do you want to find Real Love?

You know the moment your eye's meet "the one"? The one that defines that moment in life as a turning point, it is the moment that changes everything because life begins a new chapter. You know that nothing will ever be the same again because before that moment there was life and now there is life with this person in it and so your old life fades into a distant dream of what was and you become submerged into a now that is. It is inescapable, you cannot go back or turn away and deep within you as much as you may want to resist, you are helpless to the power of what now is... of who now is before you, within you and a part of you. Your new life has begun and with it come the excitement the joy, the passion and fulfilment you have always been looking for. You have never felt so happy, so in love, so whole, so alive - this is the 'Romantic Love' phase and it is magnificent.

Have you ever wondered why? Why every relationship goes through this magical phase? I mean is it all just a trick, some cruel joke by the universe or a treacherous chemical reaction in our bodies deluding us into an ecstatic state of being just long enough for us to procreate? Why do we go through this 'magic' only to be struck down by the reality that the person we have 'fallen in love with' is a human being and extremely flawed?!?! I mean what kind of a sadistic joke is that to play on people? You know what I'm talking about, yes, you! You've had your heart pulverised enough times to know the drill, your reality and perception of love is fully tainted with fear, with doubt and apprehension. Possibly even to the extent that you've decided to forgo relationships completely... I know in the past I have.

See full strip here, its brilliant: http://theunboundedspirit.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/love-gandhi.jpg

But what if you knew a secret that made all the heart ache, all the trials and tribulations, the insecurities, apprehension, fear, doubt and yes even the pain, worth while... what if you knew that 'Romantic Love' was actually a glimpse of what could be and that this awful fall from romantic love and bliss, into oblivion was the essential key to you not only getting back to the feelings you experienced while in the 'Romantic Love' phase but even greater than that, they would be multiplied and it would give you the opportunity to heal all your previous trauma's and move into a space of complete fulfillment, trust and peace... would you do things differently? Would making the effort suddenly become worthwhile? 

Imagine if we all knew that when we met someone and felt they high's of the 'Romantic Love' phase that it fuelled us because we knew these feeling would not only come again but they would be multiplied and depend beyond what we are even capable of imagining. We realised this was a taste of the relationship's true potential and because of this realisation we stayed... 

I believe that relationships are the reason we are here. Life is made up of relationships; with our parents, our friends, the rest of our family, with animals and the world around you... and the two relationships that can change your life the most are, number 1: The relationship you have with yourself and number 2: The love/romantic/soul/life partner/treasured relationship you experience with another human being, the one who you ultimately spend the largest span of your life with. But have you ever stopped to ask why, why we have this need or wish, or pull, or necessity, or whatever it is, to spend our lives with another person? I believe it is because it is through this specific relationship that we are given the opportunity to face our deepest wounds and if the challenge is accepted and we work together we are able to heal and find the wholeness, the peace and fulfillment that we have always consciously or subconsciously craved.

So now, knowing this, will you give yourself the opportunity to “fight the good fight” to stick it out and work through the tough times? The two essentials to feeling whole, content, happy and at peace are self-love and the healing of life’s wounds. Learning self-love you can do alone but the healing of wounds is only achieved through relationships… isn’t it time you set yourself free. Isn’t it time you put on your big girl/boy pants and faced the music so that you can actually move beyond it?

If the answer is yes, then remember, we attract the exact perfect partner who will bring up all our wounds, all the things that hurt us and still do and we will be doing the exact same thing for them – you are as much as source of pain to someone else as they are to you. If you are both willing to work through it, I am not saying it is going to be easy, because it isn't but you will have the perfect partnership to heal and find a new way of being beyond what you ever thought possible. Isn’t that worth the risk? 

https://za.pinterest.com/pin/114982596714373867/

I can't help but think back to my last relationship, how crazy we were about each other, how magical our 'Romantic Love' phase was... how long it lasted, far beyond the usual 3 to 4 month period... how when it did end I was faced with my wounds and panicked and reacted and how heart broken I was that he wasn't ready or willing to work through the hard stuff, to stretch himself and grow beyond his wounds. I can't help but feel my heart swell with sadness... if that was a taste of what could have been, how incredible being brave could have allowed us to be... I have to catch myself and accept that it was obviously not meant to be, but I admit it is hard to do... 

Now almost a year later, it's time to begin again. I must say this new knowledge and understanding is a huge source of comfort as I prepare my heart to open once more, to be brave once again. In fact it makes me really excited, I mean if that was a glimpse!?!?! Then wow...Oh my goodness...Yipeeed!!!! I guess it all begin's with you... and then, finding someone equally as brave, that's the tricky part and the key, you both need to be equally willing to move through the pain and the bliss hand in hand... witnessing, supporting and loving, that is the majesty and the unequivocal gift of a committed relationship... So my dear readers, my wish for you is, I hope this understanding brings you some comfort and understanding, courage to fight harder, hope because things can be different and even excitement because now you know the possibilities. 

May you be brave enough to find, fight and live in love with one person, after all, as the Beatles said "Love is all you need". 

Be happy, live in compassion and love

Namaste

Susana

ps. This blog was inspired by my understanding of the theory's of International best selling Author and Relationship Coach Harville Hendrix and his wife Helen LaKelly Hunt, they are also the creators of the revolutionary Imago Relationship Therapy. For books that have been a great source of insight and assistance, check out their website http://harvilleandhelen.com

Another day without love...

Today I am tired. 

Frustrated. 

I have lost focus on what's good and been swallowed up by what's bad. 

My life is so full and rich with blessings and yet the lack of a romantic relationship seems to cast a shadow on all that is and all that isn't... 

For what is life, if it is not shared in love? If we do not have the opportunity to witness and be witnessed. 

That is the highest most precious gift we can ever hope to experience. 

I miss it with all of my soul and would do anything to experience it again.

Yet for now, I need to comfort my heart, console its sorrow and allow all the emotions to flow through me, so that they may not become stuck and choke me in my sleep in fear of being held against their will.

For now, once they have washed through me and the aching begin's so cease, I must rise again and face a new day with broken will and a steady heart, I must find in myself once more the will to look beyond this shore of sorrow into foreign lands of what could be.

For now, I cannot anchor in, for if I do the storm of sorrow will swallow me whole. It will beat my sails and drench my decks, it will snap my masts and crack my chest and within its wave I shall falter and fall into the depth of this ocean from which there is no more.

I cannot be swallowed whole, I still have far to go...

And yet for now, I allow myself a moment to weep, a moment to feel how my life is incomplete.

For one day when I've met him and my life feels full and fair again, I can hold onto these memories that make my now more sweet. 

And so again the dreams begin to fuel my faith, strengthen my heart and renew my gait. As I focus ahead at what life will be and my broken heart becomes once more a sad memory.

Is that not love?

How can you sum up what love in a few words? I don’t think its possible… love is so many things and more than all those things it happens when a person evokes something within you that changes your life so profoundly and extremely that you begin to exist in only two time frames; the one that existed before that person entered your life and the one that exists now.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/114982596713526861/

There was an energy that existed between us which was not only undeniable to us but to everyone who saw us together. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, we were each other’s favorite company. The affection, adoration and sexual energy was palpable. I was filled with passion and benevolence for him, I would and did everything and anything for him. I wanted him to succeed, be happy and have everything he desired. He became my reason for being, my partner in crime, my best friend and confidant. My lover, my husband and the one I imagined would be the father of my unborn children. Our hearts, body’s and souls where intricately intertwined unrestricted by time and space, he was my home and I his.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/114982596713127423/

It is only those who have been married that understand loving someone who hurts you so intensely that you question everything, all your choices and decisions. Because only the people you really love can damage you to the point of breaking… and then love you afterwards as you forgive their blunders… if only we could also forget.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/504614333219585806/

Love’s ideals of respect, sympathy, sexual attraction and kindness are just that, ideals, a vision one aims for. The reality is that love is messy and sometimes painful because we are human and we mess up. Nobody is perfect and when you spend that much time together you are bound to hurt each other, you bring out the best but also the worst in each other… but there are two types of hurt one inflicts, unconscious actions, which to me have always been forgivable. Then there are conscious choices and those then move the relationship out of integrity and into abuse. For how can a person who claims to love someone consciously harm, hurt and even damage them in anyway? But even the unimaginable is possible. I know this because I loved my husband and as much as he knowingly hurt me, I know he loved me too, as much as he was capable of at the time. When I finally ended our relationship he told me I didn’t love him unconditionally and I had promised to, I replied: “I do love you unconditionally, I love you with all your cracks and faults and all your brilliance… I just can’t allow you to damage me anymore.” Leaving had nothing to do with a lack of love, it had to do with self preservation.

https://thechildlessstepmom.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/rock-bottom-the-solid-foundation.jpg

That was almost five years ago and although I don’t want to be with him in the same way as we were before, to this day, I still only wish only the best for him, I still wish him a good and happy marriage, a family of his own and success in every area of his life. He has finally met another woman and I am filled with gratitude that all is well in his life. I hold no resentment or grudges, no uneasiness of contempt… She is the better fit and because of our relationship he is a better man. I am grateful for being a part of that and for all that we learnt together. I know this makes me freakishly unconventional to the masses but it is my truth, I left knowing I had given it my all, there was no effort to demanding, no possibility that I didn't explore to save our marriage, so although it was the hardest death I have ever lived through, I am at peace with where I am now.

 

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/114982596714604278/

In life we only have two things, our perspective and our reaction to our perspective and a shift in perspective is a miracle because it causes a ripple effect throughout all area’s of our lives. I chose to see every single thing that happened to me, "good" or "bad" as a gift, a precious generous offering, guiding me to constantly be expanding, constantly growing into the most genuine version of myself I can be.

So although it sometimes lacked respect, empathy and trust, it spanned over fourteen years and we had the privilege of growing together, of witnessing every aspect of each other become more than what we once were, more than we had been before we come into each others lives and yes, it has ended, but is this not love?

3 ways to make this Christmas Season truly jolly!

Tis the season to be jolly and there is a jolliness, which may only be experienced through the act of bringing joy to others. That is why I am asking for your help in throwing a Christmas Party for the community centre I support in Gugulethu, Phakama. 

Year round they contribute to the community in KTC in numerous ways, from providing a crèche for the local babies, to a safe haven for abused children, to a feeding scheme, upliftment through skill’s development and much, much more.

Last year's Christmas Party, Phakama community kids, Hannah from Mammas Meeting Place and Me

Santa's Shoebox inspires this year's Christmas treats for the kids in the Phakama community, these will very possibly be the only Christmas gifts they receive so I would love them to be made with as much love as possible. This year we have 49 children, last year we had 60 planned, we had 10 extra gifts and were still short as word of the Christmas party spread through the neighbourhood, so if we could aim for 80 gifts that would be amazing!

I would really love to see our communities kids face's as happy as these little faces, 

please join me in making this a reality!

How it works: It's as easy as 1, 2, 3

1. Write to me at info@susanakennedy.com and let me know how many children you will be giving christmas gifts to and what area you are in, I will then send you a child's name, age, gender and a drop off location.

2. Find an empty shoebox, doctorate it and fill it with gifts. 

For decorating idea's check out https://www.pinterest.com/santashoebox/you-made-it/

3. Drop it off by the 2nd of December.

• An outfit of clothing
• A toy (eg. doll or car)
• Something to get creative with (crayon's/paint/pencil's/play dough/etc)
• Toothpaste
• Tooth brush
• Bar of soap
• Wash cloth

Obviously I need to make sure the children on my list get gifts first but if you can afford a few spare gifts, just a toy, not an entire box is necessary, it would be fantastic. If you want to do an entire spare shoe box then perhaps leave the tags on the clothing so that if needed the parents can exchange for the correct size.  

A few of the men and woman within the community with me and Hannah

There are 10 woman who run the community centre and care for the children along with 6 men, I would like to give them gifts too. 

For the woman I would like to create a Christmas handbags, for details read my blog 5 Christmas Handbag Idea's http://susanakennedy.blogspot.co.za/2015/11/5-christmas-handbag-ideas.html

and for the men I want to give them a gentleman's gift, for details read my blog 5 Christmas gentleman's gift Idea's  http://susanakennedy.blogspot.co.za/2015/11/gentlemans-gift-toiletry-bag-gift-idea.html

Thank You in advance for making my Christmas wish a reality by creating a 

afternoon of love, laughter and spoil's for a very deserving community.

The below was copied from Santa's Shoebox, looks like well thought out caution - so thought I would better share!

IMPORTANT notes about Shoebox contents:

FOOD: 
Do NOT include tinned food, cakes or other perishable food
Do NOT include anything containing nuts
Place chocolate in a ziplock bag to prevent it from possibly melting onto the other contents of the Santa Shoebox

MEDICINE: 
Do NOT include medicines or vitamins of any kind

WAR RELATED ITEMS: 
Do NOT include toy guns or knives

FRAGILE ITEMS:
Do NOT include glass containers or mirrors

LIQUIDS: 
All liquids, like cosmetics or blow bubbles, must be put into a ziplock plastic bag, so that the contents cannot leak out and spoil the Santa Shoebox.

DANGEROUS ITEMS: 
Do NOT include any dangerous items such as sharp objects

ELECTRONICS: 
Please include batteries with battery-operated toys (please note – these children cannot afford to replace the batteries once they are flat) or choose a non-battery-operated alternative (preferred).

LASTLY: 
Do NOT include anything of a political, religious or racial nature

Remember to assess whether the contents of your shoebox are appropriate to the age of the recipient child. For example, don’t give marbles to a 2-year old but give them to a child over the age of 6. Another example would be to give a razor to a teenager but not to a younger child.

Gentleman's gift toiletry bag gift Idea

This Christmas why not fill a spare toiletry bag with essentials and treats and give it to someone less fortunate? I have seen this idea floating around on social media for woman, done with handbags, I absolutely love it and thought "Why not for men too?" so I decided to help spread the word and share some idea's.

These are my toiletry bag treat idea's:

If you would like to donate toiletry bag's (or money to put bags together) to a wonderful organisation filled with man who spend their live's in service of others, you can email me for more information on info@susanakennedy.com and I would be thrilled to assist. I would like to put together 15 toiletry bags to give as gifts on the 9th of December 2015 so get involved!

Wishing you all a very happy and blessed festive season and may you give, 

many unsuspecting man, the gift of joy!

5 Christmas Handbag Idea's

This Christmas why not fill a spare handbag with essentials and treats and give it to someone less fortunate? I have seen this idea floating around on social media and I absolutely love it, so I decided to help spread the word and share some idea's.

These are my handbag essentials:

And here are a few other articles I found that you may like, 

perhaps you can mix and match to find your perfect mix.

This is a classy looking compilation found on 

http://homevialaura.com/2015/03/klassikkopostaus-kasilaukun-sisalto/

I like the look of this list, quick, basic and many of the true essentials, found on 

http://www.iheartnaptime.net/whats-in-my-bag/

This list has loads of idea's and if you even put one or two items from each section in the bag I am sure whoever receives it will be thrilled!

(list found on http://www.outfitposts.com/2013/09/outfit-posts-packing-carry-on-tote-for.html#.VkolFbSTGfR)

Lipgloss, sunglasses, a purse, a keyring, mints, etc

(found on http://www.realityandretrospect.com/blog/whats-in-your-purse)

Wishing you all a very happy and blessed festive season and may you give, 

many unsuspecting woman, the gift of joy!

If you would like to donate handbag's (or money to put bags together) to a lovely organisation filled with woman who spend their live's in service of others, you can email me for more information on info@susanakennedy.com and I would be thrilled to assist. I would like to put together 15 handbags to give as gifts on the 9th of December 2015.

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVENLY RELAXATION IN CAMPS BAY, SOUTH AFRICA

A week ago I was out for dinner and started chatting to this lovely girl I had met at a wedding and she told me about this gorgeous spa in camps bay that she works at and asked if I would like to come and experience a treatment. Of course me being me and loving all indulgent pampering things I said “Of Course, when can I come!”

Only a block up from one of Camps Bay’s and indeed Cape Towns iconic partying spots Café Caprice on the beach strip, perfectly positioned on a quiet street corner is Langaro Life Style Centre. As you walk in you are greeted with a warm smile, you look around at the modern, clean, comfortable environment and you can feel that everything will be taken care of. 

I had their signature Swedish massage and signature facial which is tailored to your skin’s needs, everything was geared towards my relation and enjoyment of the experience and handled with remarkable attention to detail and care. From the soft light, to the perfect room temperature, to the cushioned foot-mat beside the massage table, it was a little piece of heaven.

I have honestly never felt so relaxed in my whole life. I have never given anyone a 10 out of 10 but I actually don’t know what they could have possibly done to have made it more perfect, besides making it last way longer, but that’s me just being greedy because I enjoyed it so much!

And because I did, 

you know I love to spread the love so I chatted to them 

and convinced them to do a giveaway for one of you!

All you have to do is:

1.     Share this blog on your page

2.     and ‘like’ my page on facebook https://www.facebook.com/TheSusanaKennedyShow1  and if you already have liked my page, get a friend to like it  too and comment with your friends name, maybe you can share the prize if you’re feeling generous ;-)  

3.     and ‘like’ Langaro Life Style Centre page https://www.facebook.com/langaro.wellness  as well!

Easy as that! A lucky winner will be announced on the 1st of May 2015!

The two treatments are worth R1050 and if you would like to see the full range of amazing services they provide go to http://langaro.com